My Eternal, Internal Battle
I’ve been studying martial arts for over twenty years. I don’t think it’s fair to say that I am a martial artist. There’s nothing artful about what I do, or how I move. I see something, I react, normally in violence. Recently, I have learned not to react with the maximum amount of violence to every hostile situation, but I still have a long way to go.
Without going into too many details, yesterday, I got into a brief altercation. In hindsight, I was probably set up. Someone in my building stepped towards me from around the corner very unexpectedly, and I knocked him down. I was not looking for a fight; it was a reflex action to respond to a perceived threat with violence.
I could list the problems I’ve had with this guy before, but nothing changes the fact that I felt horrible about it. The man is forty years older than me.
So…that made me think.
I was always criticized by my various teachers for not having any form to my technique. I never saw a point to form, to be honest; form never got me anywhere in a fight. Also, I have never understood (nor tried to) the idea of learning to fight so you don’t have to fight. To me, that just doesn’t make any sense.
Isn’t that why we study? To defend ourselves, and those we love?
I learned how powerful techniques can become the more you practice them, and as such, I’ve learned to control myself in a fight, so I don’t do mortal damage to someone. I’ve always thought that it was awesome; to be able to hone your body into a lethal weapon, just as destructive as a bullet. Even more awesome is your ability to control your power, and use it to other achieve other means. My training plays a big role in keeping my blood sugar down.
I figured that once I learned to knock someone out, instead of shattering their jaw, I had a pretty good grasp on martial arts.
But I still have a long way to go, don’t I…?
I claim to want peace. Then again, I’d have no idea what to do with it.
If I’m not training to fight, then why am I training? And why do I still enjoy it so much?
What does this whole “training so you don’t have to fight” mean?
These are questions I seek answers to as I continue my training. Usually I work on speed and power. Today I slowed things down (not used to that at all), allowed my techniques to come slowly, and went through the forms I’d been taught. As I did this, I could feel the answers at the edge of my mind, trying to break in.
I know this ties into my future success, too; learning to approach the world peacefully instead of waiting for an adversary.
And so, as my training continues, I hope for peace and answers, praying I’ll be ready to accept it, knowing I won’t be aware when I do.
Thanks for reading.
(c) Avery K. Tingle for Akting Out LLC
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Hey Avery! Your new site looks great. I added you to my blogroll and subscribed to your feed. I just read an exchange between you and Alan Baxter about Bruce Lee but I no longer argue about him anymore. Several years ago, I attended three different martial arts seminars with Paul Vunak, a second generation student of Bruce. Paul is one of the most dangerous men I’ve ever met and can wipe the floor with eight men and in dead-eye-dick seriousness is a real street fighter, not some studio kung-fu or karate guy. He teaches knife fighting to navy seals and I can assure you, Jet Lee does not. I will never say Bruce was overrated, I mean the guy is dead and having not actually fought him in a street fight, I have no idea how good he was. I do know his student Paul Vunak is a seriously dangerous fighter whom I would not fight unless I had to. I guess Jet Li just doesn’t scare me. I train currently in Gracie jiu-jitsu and MMA, and like every fighter I’ve seen walk in there with black belts in kung-fu or karate or boxing skills–including myself, got pummeled like punks. I currently have ten broken toes, had my nose broken, wrists and ankles almost twisted off where I could barely walk. It’s the only class I’ve ever had where I am truly outclassed in terms of street fighting. No forms, nothing but full out full contact fighting for three solid hours and if you don’t puke at least once, something is wrong.
But I love this post. To me, real martial arts often don’t even look like martial arts in a real fight. It looks like a rabid animal tearing another human into shreds–an explosion of violence. I tend to agree with your view points. Some of the most dangerous street fighters don’t even know martial arts, they’re gang members who beat people to death without remorse. They’re brutal killers without fear.
Hey, Bobby, thanks for the add. Your friend sounds like a former sparring partner of mine; I can’t use his name, but he teaches armed and unarmed combat to the local police department.
I have no black belt. I’ve only been formerly schooled in one style of fighting; the rest of what I know I picked up in my travels. I know some MMA practitioners, and I’ve been encouraged to get into it, I just don’t think I could withstand the punishment anymore.
But your comment very clearly outlines the difference between a fighter and a martial artist, and right now, I’m striving to be both. I know that intoxicating feeling of having someone completely at your mercy, and when you get good at it, people become afraid of you. I don’t want that anymore. I knocked down a seventy-year-old man two days ago, and regardless of the fact that he’s an asshole, there had to be a better way to handle it than that.
I’m looking for the better way now. But I still would absolutely LOVE a sparring match with you. God bless and thanks for the comment.
Regardless of our opinions on Bruce Lee (and don’t get me wrong, I love the guy!) there shouldn’t be so much division between martial artists and fighters.
Practicing the art, training your forms, training slow and fast, all these things develop you as a fighter too. There’s nothing like intensive forms training to really define your technique; really chisel your body into the tool best suited to the job of fighting; help you develop the correct breathing and control to dominate a fight. But to really put that stuff to use, you have to spar heavily, work the pads till you puke, and fight as much as you can against as big a variety of opponents as possible.
In the same way that during around 30 odd years of training I’ve learned that Chi Kung and Kung Fu are the same thing, so are fighting and forms. You can get really good at one or the other with training – but if you get really good at both you start to be a true martial artist, and a true martial artist should dominate in a fight as much as impress with his form.
And hence, my road begins anew. I’ve studied FIGHTING for years–and I’m not bad at it, if I may say so–but after what happened a couple of days ago, I know that something vital is missing.
I’m spending less time on training now and more on forms and slower, deliberate movements. Maybe in a year or so, I’ll be a more complete fighter/martial artist. I like the quote at the end of this comment; thanks for the inspiration.