Akting Out

I just wrapped up a two-hour conversation with a very good friend back on the west coast, and felt a need to share what I’d taken from it.

I am very proudly a nerd. In fact, I’m listening to the soundtrack to “Shinobi 3″ right now. Marvel and Halo 3 posters adorn my wall, along with a shrine of old, well-worn lightsabers and NERF guns. I enjoy reading, video games, japanese animation, inane humor, speaking in multisyllabic words, and writing. I enjoy learning and expose myself to as much as I can in hopes of coming away with something new.

In addition to what’s above, I also pay all of my own bills, I do my own cooking, cleaning, and food shopping, I love my children very much, and I put my responsibilities ahead of my desires (which is why a part of this blog is called ‘The Last Opinion’. Having responsibilities often means that I won’t be first in line for the new movie or game). This, I learned tonight, is the new kind of nerd; the ones who put their responsibilities first and have achieved the maturity that comes with sacrifice.

The nerds have grown up, even if the rest of the world can’t (refuses to) see it.

A great source of my anger comes from people’s pre-judging me just because of this. It’s not entirely their fault; when you think of the word “nerd” what comes to mind? Someone overly intelligent with an annoying voice? Some short, skinny guy who flaunts how smart he is? Someone you can beat up?

It makes me angry that people automatically make presumptions of me and then outcast me. I’ve learned to run with it; I won’t change who I am to please someone. But I’ll admit that it stings just a bit, knowing that I can be the best friend you could ever have…a lot of us can, if people can see past the prejudices because our interests don’t align with what’s (supposedly) popular.

Then again, there are the old nerds–we all know at least one. The one who makes the rest of us look bad. The one who refused to grow up. The one who has to have everything they want right now, the one who thinks they know everything about everything when in fact they know nothing. You want to punch them in the nose, except you feel bad for them…because you were there once. We may have outgrown it, but we were all the lonely, desperate outcast once.

What I’ve found with the new nerds is that we all have high ambitions. Mine, particularly, brought sharply into focus by tonight’s conversation, are a lot to hope for.

I want a family. I want a wife, I want my kids (maybe even one more), I want to be a full-time writer, and I want to own my own home. And I want all of this by the time I’m forty.

Nerds can be ruthlessly ambitious–we have to be, we have to work harder for it–and I’m no exception. After so many years of trial and error, I know what I can and cannot do…and I won’t stop chasing my dreams until I achieve them.

Yes, a lot of us want a lot.
But we tend to reach our goals, too. Years of adversity have taught us how to fight.
My name is Avery K. Tingle, and I am a nerd in the new millenium. Thank you for reading.

(c) Avery K. Tingle for Akting Out LLC

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