Akting Out

These are some of the questions I’ve fielded about my former life;

“Why do it?”
“What do you get out of it?”
“Why did you do it for so long?”
“Why didn’t you do something else?”
“Why did you do something so violent?”

All these questions have come with a certain level of incredulousness and a look that questions my sanity. And I suppose, in hindsight, it would seem a little abnormal to do something so detrimental to one’s health for so long. I’ve never been able to articulate it myself, until now.

What does one gain from fighting?

We are a competitive people. We always have been, probably always will be. We compete instinctively, whether or not we’re even aware of it. It’s through competition that we weed out those who are not as good as others.

We reward competition, too; we give raises, better offices, better perks. We give medals, put them on TV, and make them stars. Like it or not, we are a society that rewards people for being the best.

Fighting, in this case, the act of two people physically beating upon one another until one falls, is competition at its purest. It is the very first method we used to determine who was better than the other; it was a contest of sheer strength that left no room for question. You either won or you lost.

Fighting in this era has so many meanings that it’s difficult to explain them all, so I’ll try to define the ones that make the most sense to me.

Fighting with someone is like being forced to look into a mirror. You can bullshit the entire world, but you’ll never bullshit the reflection. In the heat of a fight, when you can identify the parts of you that will hurt tomorrow, you learn who you really are. No illusions, no nothing. You either conquer that fear within you right then and there, or you let it overwhelm you. But either way, you face up to it.

It’s not for everyone.

As people, we have to put a lot of masks on in a given day (something I hope I never understand). Mostly, it comes down to pretending to like someone you’d really like to shove into a trash compactor. (For the record, I hate this, I’d rather just leave the person alone than put up an act).

Fighting strips away all the politics, all the drama. You know why you may end up being friends with someone after a fight, even if you were enemies before? Because you come away with a new respect for one another. Again, when you fight, you don’t just find out who you are, you find out who your opponent is. The best fights in my life were with people who plain and simply refused to back down. I had quite a few battles end where we just smiled, laughed, and just agreed to call it a day. I maintain some of those friendships to this day.

The best aspect of a fight is something I can only describe as transcendant. It just happens, and to me, honestly, it can be better than sex.
You leave rational thought behind. You stop planning your next move. Your senses heighten and you can feel every millisecond tick right by.You don’t know what you’re going to do next, but you have to trust that it is the right move for the occasion. This is where training kicks in; physical memory takes the place of rational thought and you quite literally live in the moment. In these moments, both combatants are capable of extremely devastating, yet simultaneously beautiful things.

Some people call it going with their gut. I actually took it a step further and applied my instincts to every day life. I’m still learning how to use logic and reason, but I have the sharpest instincts in the book. I can still glean a lot from people by looking into their eyes.

As with all things, there is a dark side to fighting, and I lived it for very long. Fighting is a great way to release anger. Nothing matches the sensation of connecting your knuckles to someone’s jaw and knocking them to the ground. It’s the most primal sense of dominance in the world, to physically knock someone to the ground. Even if it’s for a second, the next time they look at you, they’re scared. They wonder what will happen if they get up (but if they do, you better be ready for it. They won’t want to talk).

I no longer fight, but most of life’s lessons I learned from fighting. Now what I’m working on is the skill aspect; random sparring matches just to see how much better I’ve gotten. This is my last point; fighting allows you to see how much further you’ve progressed since your last encounter.

Like I said, it’s not for everyone, but it worked for me. Fighting is a chance to see both you and your opponent at their purest. It’s painful, brutal, potentially dangerous…and incredibly educational.

Attempt at your own risk.

(c) Avery K. Tingle for Akting Out LLC

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.