You Want To Know What I’m Afraid Of?
I don’t have traditional fears, and if I do, I try to move past them. We’re all on this planet together, and it’s not the fear that can kill you; fear is a warning to stay away of something. It’s the action the fear is warning you of that can take you out. Once you learn this, you’re okay. I’m no longer all that afraid of snakes. I just don’t provoke them.
What really scares me are things most people don’t get. I’m afraid of getting close to people. I don’t think there’s anything worse than loving someone only to have them taken away from you. Going through that again scares the hell out of me. So I stay away from most people, and it’s cost me a few good relationships, platonic and otherwise. I’m trying to move past this.
What terrifies me is the next life; ending up in Hell. I don’t think this will happen to me, but a fear of eternal damnation governs a lot of how I live my life now. Some people say their first impression of me is nonchalance, others say that it’s like I know something no one else knows.
I know God is out there. It’s not that I believe, I know, with every fiber of my being, that God exists. I know it just as I know that I have five fingers. God’s existence to me is as real as anything else in my life. And because I know this, I know that I’ll have to stand before Him and answer for every last thing I do. If I am unrepentant, then I’m done.
Once you go to hell, there’s no redemption, no second chance, no way out. You burn, forever and ever, and that’s it. Yeah, that’s enough to scare the hell out of me, no pun intended. The only certainty we have in this life is that it will end. Knowing that I’ll die one day doesn’t scare me, because I’ve accepted it. What happens after that frightens me.
About six years ago, a friend and I are barreling through Saginaw, Michigan en route to Bad Axe, so I can make up with my girlfriend at the time. We’re doing ninety in a Lincoln Mark IV as the snow comes down all around us. When a black SUV slowly pulls out in front of us, Ralph steers the wheel violently to the right as we run over a patch of black ice. The car spins, I have no seat belt on, and the very last thing I see is a telephone pole coming right at me.
As God is my witness, I’m telling you that I was not afraid. This unbelievable sense of calm and peace came over me, as though I was wrapping myself in a blanket. It was if He saw me and said “It’s okay.”
We miss the pole, go into a ditch, and the car flips. I end up in the backseat—and alive.
That was when I stopped being afraid to die.
If I seem nonchalant, it’s because I know that in the end, everything turns out okay.
It doesn’t matter whether or not you believe in God, and this is why I don’t try to force anyone to; He believes in you, and He works in your life even if you don’t acknowledge his presence. His working in your life is His way of trying to get your attention.
So many people claim that God doesn’t exist based on the horrors we see every day (and quite frankly, I don’t blame them). What these people don’t get is that we are responsible for our own actions. If God stepped in and took control of our problems, He would become a tyrant. His solving of our problems not only robs us of the opportunity to learn from our mistakes, but removes our free will.
When God sees the horrors we wreak upon ourselves, He cries. But it’s our lives to make, or destroy, as we see fit.
I have been to every low one person can possibly encounter, and what really hurts is when I see people go through similar situations, so consumed with their own anger, and I just want to reach out and say here, look what I found!
But I can’t do that. No one can be dragged to God. You have to find Him on your own, in your own way.
If I am nonchalant, it’s because I know this world will end, and the devil will have his time, and then God will come and make things right.
I believe that I am living my life in accordance with what He wants for me, and because of that, I can smile every day.
But that’s just me.
God bless, and thanks for reading.
(c) Avery K. Tingle for Akting Out LLC
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Our beliefs are very similar in some respects, and diametrically opposed in others. What I like about your philosophy is your tolerance. To me, there is more than one path to that of enlightenment; but the end result is the same.
Blessings to you, my friend.
Oh my God Avery, I remember this! Traveling 2 hours to Bay City when it should have only taken 1 because the snow was just coming down, and I remember going into the hospital and you were banged and bruised with some stitches but ALIVE! Thank you God to this very day for that!