Screaming to God and Cyberspace
About two years ago, I was walking home from work. I was a rentacop, in uniform, finishing up a night shift on the East Side of Jefferson City, Missouri. No do-rag, no gloves, nothing that could construe me as shady.
Less than a block away from my site, a cop pulls up alongside me and cordially asks me what I’m doing. Walking home, I explain. He asks me where I’m coming from. I exercise my right to remain silent and point to the two towers behind me. He asks me my business there, and I slowly pull back my jacket to reveal a badge. He’s then kind enough to tell me that he ‘guesses that it’s okay’ and then pulls away.
I was angry. Not just at the situation, but it was one of the only times I remember feeling powerless…
Today, I check my news feed and the first story I see is about a woman who reported her child missing. She’s now been charged with filing a false police report, prostitution, and there’s a suspicion of human trafficking.
Police still can’t find the girl.
The second story I find tells of the Mohler family, six in total, being charged with sexual abuse allegations that go all the way back to the mid-eighties. According to CNN Justice, their victims “came to law enforcement authorities with stories of sexual performances, mock weddings, rape with various objects and a forced abortion during their childhoods.”
Forced abortions.
This means they…
Thinking about it made me want to put my fist through something…someone.
Say what you will about the street, but one of the things I enjoyed about it was that these kinds of things didn’t happen. They call it street justice for a reason. Acts such as these got you killed, plain and simple.
Here, prosecutions take years and drag the victims right back through the act. They’re never the same again. And the kids…well, they’re lucky if they’re ever found again.
Coming from a life where I used to fight literally, and directly, against things like this, it’s very difficult to accept that there’s nothing I can do anymore.
No one should ever be a victim. No one, especially a child, should ever live in fear.
And so I’m left to ask why. Paralyzed and powerless, I want to know why things are this way?
How does anyone possibly justify raping a child? A woman? Anyone?
Isn’t there something in your mind that’s telling you this is wrong? Especially when it comes to kids?
Rape is primarily about power, not pleasure, and the sick fucks who do this kind of thing are almost always cowards (although I’ve met a few genuinely evil people in my life). Exposing them is easy; beating the hell out of them in front of everyone takes their power away, shows that they are just as vulnerable as everyone else.
But I still want to know why it’s allowed to happen…
How does anyone justify mass killing with religion?
If you’re going to kill a bunch of people, do me a favor, have the balls to do it because you want to, and not because you think God (Allah, Jesus, Buddha, whoever you believe in) is okay with it. Stop using God as a crutch for your evil. Stop using God as a crutch for your fucking shortcomings and stand on your own two feet.
Maybe this is just me going through a crisis of faith. I’m a Christian, not a zealot, and God knows I understand why atheists choose their paths. I look…I’ve experienced…a lot of the bad things in the world and in my darker moments, I wonder if God really did throw in the towel, and maybe we’re just out here on our own. If we’re so determined to self-destruct, then who’s He to stand in our way?
Honestly, baring my soul a little bit…this is why I tend not to get close to a lot of people.
I know I’ll never get answers to these questions. I’ll maintain my faith and my principles and trust in the grand design just as I always have.
But I want answers.
And I wish I could do more.
(c) Avery K. Tingle for Akting Out LLC
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I could sit here and TRY to give you a psychological profile about why things are the way they are, but it comes down to God giving us free will. The will to do what we want, when we want and there are some sick bastards out there that don't care about the consequences, and never once thought about morals. I told you that you have the ability to do something about it, but you won't. I know, I was the last person you expected to hear that from but it is true. Are you good at what you do (your writing)? Yes, you are. Damn good. But I refuse to believe that God gave you the brains and the brawn to just sit back and do nothing. He gave you the ability to help others and you choose not too anymore. To have someone like you, go through what you've been through since birth, and come out a better person despite it all, how can you not help? Help others either deal with what happened or to prevent it from happening in the first place. So maybe you can't help the ones on the news, but there are thousands out there. I'm sorry, I got long winded. I didn't mean to preach.