“Let’s end this!!”
Adamantium tears through metal sheaths on the back of X-23′s hands (at least, I think they’re metal sheaths. I’m not too up on my Marvel these days). Her elbows are tucked at her sides, her knees bent, her eyes ablaze, she looks like Wolverine-Lite. Capcom got this right.
She slides as though on grease towards her hapless opponent (in this case, Spencer of Bionic Commando fame) and with a flurry of extremely-painful looking slashes dealt from her hands and feet, because she has claws on her feet too, she utterly decimates poor Spencer, capitalizing the knockout blow by leaping and descending with two slash marks meant to resemble an “X” as ominous sound effects signal the end of Spencer and the arrival of the new victim.
I can’t help but think when I play these games and read these comics; this would never fly in the real world. I try to imagine how a real-life Wolverine would survive today, and I always get the same answer; however he wants. I confess; even at thirty-four, I still sometimes look down at my hands and wonder how much simpler life would be if I had STEEL CLAWS. I know there are greater powers to dream about, but the idea of watching someone piss themselves when metal knives shoot out of the back of my hands? Priceless.
You have to take joy in the little things.
I remember praying at the beginning of the year; I wanted to make some changes. I wanted to be done with diabetes, I didn’t want to be afraid of anything anymore, and I wanted to have my legal troubles resolved. A little secret about God; eventually, you learn what to ask for, and how to ask for it, in order to receive it. But it always comes with a trial.
I really don’t have much to complain about these days, I certainly have it easier than a lot of people, and for that, I’m grateful. I have a good place to live in a nice part of town (although I have a hard time thinking of any area of Jefferson City as bad, when you stack it against north side Saginaw, east Oakland, Jersey City, or a hundred other ghettos out there), I have food in the fridge, I’ve got all the materialistic things that make me happy, I have a very good job that I am very good at, and very good at bitching about, I have people who care about me and I’m learning not to push them away. Even now, I sit in my living room, Law and Order: SVU is paused, and I’m writing this from my laptop as I take in the morning coffee and hope it has its usual effect. Even the writing is going really, really well.
As writers, we can’t afford the luxury of fear. It’s easy to hide behind being afraid and tell yourself that you’re not good enough, that no one else will ever like what you do. Then, when you choose inaction, in your own mind, it’s justified. You suck, right? So why bother trying? And to be honest, it’s not a bad way to think. Chances are no one will ever develop the same attachment to your characters and worlds that you have. Chances are even greater that some people will hate your work simply because they have nothing better to do. Others may not like and offer constructive criticism (and we’d be wise to take it), but that’s just the way it goes. The fact is; you never know how good, or bad, you may be until you try.
Someone may hate your work. Someone else may love it and recommend it to others. These others may want to help you advance. But you won’t know until you put yourself out there.
This is philosophy with which I try to live my life; take the chance. Yes, you might suck, but at least by trying, you know. On the other end, what if you’re really, really good, and someone’s just waiting to discover you?
Fear is a test; you can let it cripple you, or you can look at it logically and overcome it. Heights; it’s not the height itself that will kill you, it’s not even the fall. It’s the frakkin landing. Hence, don’t put yourself in a position to fall, sit back, and enjoy the view. Snakes, spiders, bugs, and the like, same thing; it’s not the critters themselves that will harm you. It’s the bite, or sting, or squeeze or whatever. If you don’t put yourself in a position where these things can happen to you, you have nothing to be afraid of. Or, if you get stung enough times, you get used to it. Some people around the world are bitten so often that their body builds immunity to the poison. True story.
I’m past all of the materialistic fears; heights, snakes, spiders, and all that stuff. I’m afraid of being successful because I don’t know what it feels like, and I’m afraid if it happens, I’ll lose it all and end up at rock bottom again. I’m afraid that I can’t make it on my own on a professional level. I’m really afraid of personal relationships (but who isn’t?)
Universal Warrior: Atherean Defenders has a publisher. The announcement will be coming in about one month. So that’s beginning my dealing with the fear of success.
My relationship ended not too long ago. Rather than throwing myself into something else quickly (as has been my habit), I’m feeling this. It sucks. She’s going through something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, something that had nothing to do with us. We still talk, we’re cordial, and I like to think we’ve both been very accommodating. It still sucks, but it’ll pass.
I’ve been on the same performance-based schedule-changing job for the past two years now. I’m afraid that with the new system we’re learning, I won’t be able to keep up. I won’t be able to use the same tricks that got me this far. In my heart, where God resides, I know that things will be okay. They always are.
I have one less warrant in the state of Michigan.
This is set to be a difficult year. But a good one.
Thanks for reading, I wish you all of the best in your endeavors, and thank you for sticking with Life As I Play It thus far.
(c) Avery K. Tingle for Akting Out LLC
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