Akting Out

This is a story about how words—perhaps the most devastating weapon in the human arsenal—ruined what could’ve been a wonderful friendship. It illustrates the ability to bring people to their knees without raising a single finger.

Immediately following the end of my relationship, I promised myself that I wouldn’t become seriously involved with anyone until I got my own issues resolved; figured out who I was, what I wanted from someone, and most importantly, what I wanted from myself.

About one month ago, I was invited to go out with a group of people I work with. Aside from a great time, I met a woman that I seemed to click with on every level that mattered. I wound up spending most of the night talking to her alone. From faith, to spiritual beliefs, to creativity, to even being mutual fans of video games, Batman comics, and Robot Chicken, day one all but promised months of decent conversation. Plus, it was really good to know that finally, I wasn’t alone with my interests.

I want to take this point to stress that not once, on any occasion, did anything ever happen between myself and this woman. We made it clear from the outset; I was fresh out of a relationship, and she was involved with someone. I honestly believed, with us having that out and on the table, that things would go well. (At this point, I should’ve learned; things rarely go well when I expect them too.)

We first began hearing rumors that we were dating shortly after we hung out together for the first time, alone, at Chili’s. To a few friends—people I trust—I had said that I was very interested in this woman, and that if I had been in a position too, I would’ve gladly pursued a relationship with her. I don’t know if I should’ve said that, but the rumors it generated stressed why I’m such a private person.

When she asked me about it, I told her what I had said. We reiterated where we stood with one another, life went on, things became great again. Wars across the world ended, the budget crisis was solved, and if you look out your window right now, you’ll see a winged pig going by.

We hung out one more time, at my house, where we made pizza and plans to begin hooking up every week for coffee and reading at Barnes & Noble.
I’m actually starting to let guards down at this point; in the light of the breakup and the inevitable depression that follows, I was really beginning to draw strength from this friendship. An attractive woman who had her head on straight, knew most of what she wanted out of life, and I could talk to her about anything, plus there was no pressure that came with pre-dating; if she’s into me, does she really like me, and all that nonsense.

But the rumors persisted; this time, it was really rattling her. Impulsively, recklessly, I fell on my sword, telling her I’d have no further contact with her (no contact, no rumors, right? I know, not my finest moment). She didn’t like the idea, but didn’t fight me on it, either.
Moments later, I ‘came to my senses’ and said I’d fight it out, hoping she’d believe me. But the damage was done, the awkward conversation had set in, where you’re talking to be polite, but holding back. It made me angry, and thoughtless.

A few days later (the longest we had gone without speaking since the day we met) I asked for the items I had loaned her back (which I still haven’t received). After that, through a series of harshly-worded text messages, the friendship ended.

Writing about this now, it seems like such a waste. A bunch of he-said-she-said nonsense bringing something very beautiful to ruin. This isn’t about placing blame, because there are no right parties in this whole debacle; I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I should’ve thought the situation through, not been so reckless. Whoever instigated this never should’ve done it, because they went into it knowing they were wrong. She should’ve thought better of me.

I’ve done a lot of bad things in my time, but I can honestly say that I’ve never once set out to harm someone just because I wanted too. Then again, maybe whoever did this thought I’d wronged them somehow.

I don’t understand why people find it so difficult to be so straightforward with one another. Granted, I can be a little extreme, but what is gained by taking an issue you have with one person and discussing it negatively with someone it has nothing to do with? Even if you don’t like someone, for the sake of peace, wouldn’t it be easier to simply leave them alone, live and let live, rather than tearing them down? Such acts do nothing but weigh down those who perpetuate them.

One truth may be ugly at times, but it will always be better than a thousand lies. I look forward to the day when the lie no longer holds power.

Thanks for reading.

(c) Avery K. Tingle for Akting Out LLC

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