Akting Out

I’ve been a type-2 diabetic for over a decade. My goal is to manage it without the aid of medication. I’ve managed to go this long on metformin and glyberide (the latter of which, I’m about to come off of), having no reason to go on insulin. High blood sugar, I’m used to. I become sluggish; tired, my blood turns to sludge in my veins and I can sleep forever. I’ve dealt with that long enough to know how to handle it, and how to avoid it. Low blood sugar is something else. Something worse.

The reason why I’m about to go off glyberide is because the medication causes blood sugar to plummet rapidly. Since my diet isn’t so bad anymore, it causes my blood sugar to drop to dangerously low levels (46 was the lowest I’ve ever seen). I’ve started to keep snacks on hand for when this happens.
The feeling is torturous and agonizing, that’s the only way I know how to describe it. I’ve only been dealing with it for a few months; I wanted to share what it felt like, perhaps as another warning to those with diabetes who aren’t taking care of themselves.

First, a hole opens in the center of my stomach, and quickly, within a matter of moments, becomes a vacuum at the center of my being that is impossible to ignore. It’s hunger, impossible, endless hunger; striking within seconds and making me feel as though I haven’t eaten in days.

My hands are next; they begin to shake. The vacuum within my stomach has spread into my chest. I can feel my heart beating at the base of my throat. My mouth is dry. I can’t stop my hands from shaking. Breathing doesn’t help; it makes the hunger worse. Concentrating is impossible; all I can feel is the hunger. I can’t stop my hands from shaking and it’s frightening; I’m losing control of my own body. My body no longer does what my mind tells it to do. The shaking hands is usually the threshold; the most I can take, when I must get something to eat, or I’ll pass out, or worse. At least, that’s how it used to be.

My mind is the final step. With my heart pounding like a bass drum in the center of my chest, my body feeling as though it’s on the verge of a seizure, my mouth dry and taking in each breath like it’s a chore, I begin a mental battle in my mind. I’m usually trying to finish whatever I’m doing; a sentence. A call. A conversation. Something that, for whatever reason, cannot be interrupted.

Little things begin to slip. Words; I forget how to spell things. Typing has become an exercise in futility, as I spend about as much time on the backspace key as anywhere else. My mind has a hard time focusing on anything beyond this intense hunger. Without food, my body will shut down. I will die.

THAT’S NOT TRUE!!!

So begins the battle most often fought in my mind, much like the image I used in this blog. I’m strong, I’m powerful, and I can overcome anything, I know this…but against this, I have no chance. This enemy is beyond me, and I know it, and eventually, I will have to give in to it, but for whatever reason, I cannot do it now. I have to finish this thought or I’ll lose it. I have to finish this call or I will lose the sale. The person speaking to me needs to me listen and retain. For whatever reason, I have to keep this gluttonous monster that is ravaging my body from within at bay.

I have two children. Their names are Terry and Brandon. Terry was named for my childhood hero, a video game character. Brandon was named for Brandon Lee, the late son of another one of my heroes. I take hold of their names in my mind and I hold them, feeling like I’m hanging off a cliff in a windstorm. Buffeted, beaten in all directions, just hold on a little longer.

Eventually, I’m able to get something into my system, and the monster within recedes, although it usually takes about twenty minutes to feel normal again, and I feel as though I’ve just run a mile. Beaten, exhausted.

This happens on average of once a day, usually between breakfast and lunch. The medication that causes this is no longer necessary (obviously), so I should be going off of it within the next month or so.

This is what it feels like to have your blood sugar bottom out.

Thanks for reading.

Figure 1 Image Copyright DC Comics, taken from Superman/Batman: The Search For Red Kryptonite

(c) Avery K. Tingle for Akting Out LLC

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