Destination: St. Louis
Before the last fight, I spent a good hour on the net with Molly learning all I could about St. Louis. Yeah, I’ll cop to it that I’m moving out there to be closer to her–she drives two hours to come see me–but it’s more than that.
I’m a city kid. I love the country, I have nothing but love for small towns, but they’re not my environment. Give me skyscrapers, overpopulating human traffic, subways and other forms of public transportation any day. Damn, I haven’t been on a subway since BART back home and just the idea of stepping foot on a train hypes me up.
I also have a weird feeling, different than when I moved to Belding, Grand Rapids, Rapid City, or even Jefferson City; I always felt like those places were way stations. I don’t get this vibe from St. Louis, and Molly has nothing to do with it. Regardless of my relationship (which is going really good, and hope has a long future)…I don’t think I’ll be leaving there anytime soon. I think I’m getting ready to go home.
Then again, I may have said this about Jeff City a year ago. I’m wild-hearted, and it’s time I got that under control. It’s not about me anymore.
This is going to be the place where I raise my children, part of the time, anyway. I won’t lie, I want full time, they’re my kids, but my ex-wife’s family has played straight with me, I’ll play straight with them.
On one hand I’m really psyched about seeing my kids again, and on another I’m terrified beyond belief, and this is a fear I’m not familiar with. Do I really have what it takes to raise two boys by myself? Can I provide for them? Pay for their medical care when they need it? Help them keep their grades up if I get that responsibility? Can I ensure that they never have to worry about a place to live? I can barely keep minutes on my freaking phone for crying out loud.
And yet…I have to. I have to find a way. I’m good at that, it’s what I do, and this time I have so much more than myself counting on me to do it. And I love my kids. Both of them, even though I barely know Brandon.
These next few months are going to be some of the hardest of my life as in record time I need to secure an apartment and raise the fare needed to go get them, and bring them back. I’m going to need to work in addition to whatever full time job I pick up in January.
Besides, the sooner I get out there, the sooner I can put money away for other things. I’d like to own a home eventually.
And….I gotta be honest. Molly drives two hours one-way just to come see me. We have something pretty solid and I need to see it through. She shouldn’t have to put forth all the effort.
So there it is. I will be in St. Louis, Missouri by June, I want to be there between March and April.
So it begins.
(c) Avery K. Tingle for Modern Magic Enterprises LTD and Nomadic Productions LLC
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